Shadows of a Past
by gurj14
Summary: Mai-Otome Universe: Friends who never really felt anything for each other before are suddenly consumed with strong feelings of devotion to one another. Their past life comes back to them. ShizNat
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't Mai HiME or characters**

**Chapter 1**

"_Natsuki... "_

_Who are you?_

"_It's me, Natsuki... Natsuki... Na-tsu-ki..."_

_Who are you!_

"_It's me... don't you remember?"_

She gasped.

Natsuki quickly looked around her dark room, eyes darting wildly in synch with her speeding heart rate. She rubbed her forehead, frowning at the sweat there and let out a sigh.

She was working way too much lately.

()()()

"Gakuenchou?"

"What?" Natsuki snapped her eyes up from her desk, annoyed at being interrupted from her work.

"You have a personal phone call from Aries, line one."

Her secretary left her office and Natsuki sighed. A call from Aries meant a call from that annoying suitor/Princess who her father's council insisted she _entertain_.

She rubbed the bridge of her nose and pressed the speaker on her phone.

"Kruger here," she picked up her pen and got back to work.

"_Ah, Natsuki-san, it's me. How are you?"_

Natsuki changed papers, "I'm fine Princess Hiromi-san. What can I do for you?"

"_Can't I just call to see how you're doing?"_

Natsuki looked up from her desk as her co-worker, the Third Column, entered with a stapled document – clearly of great importance – from her latest mission.

Natsuki gave her a nod as Hiromi continued speaking on the phone.

"_Are you working Natsuki-san? You know, you really work too hard... you should take a break from all the stress."_

Natsuki gave out a "hmmm" before shuffling more papers and rubbing her eyes. Damn she was tired.

"_You're not even listening to me, are you?"_ Hiromi sighed and then chuckled, _"can't you even spare a minute to chat?"_

Natsuki sighed, "sorry Hiromi-san, please forgive my rudeness."

Natsuki set her pen down and then turned to the Third column who sat patiently waiting for the call to end, "Shizuru can you get me some tea as well?"

Shizuru who had just stood up to boil some water nodded and couldn't help to overhear more of the conversation.

"Sorry Hiromi-san, you were saying?"

"_... Right... I am making a trip to Windbloom for the royal ball next week and was hoping to spend some time together."_

Natsuki grabbed the document in front of her and flipped it open, eyes scanning the first page as she responded absent-mindedly "get in touch with me when you come then, I may or may not be able to."

"_I see..."_

"Got to go Princess... bye."

Natsuki shut off the speaker and turned to the next page.

She continued flipping pages, and about five minutes past until Shizuru handed her a cup of tea before walking over to the large leather couch and taking a comfortable seat.

"Excellent," Natsuki closed the folder and grabbed her tea, "thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome," Shizuru nodded. "I take it you are pleased with the outcome?"

Natsuki nodded, "finally that case is taken care of, so we should have a few weeks off..."

"You look exhausted," Shizuru said gently, trying to ignore that familiar soothing sensation she got when with Natsuki.

Natsuki yawned, "I haven't been able to sleep well lately..." Natsuki flushed as her eyes caught sight of Shizuru's lips claiming the tea. Her heart started to beat faster and she gulped before quickly avoiding her eyes.

Why did this always happen when she was around the Archmeister?

Sure there were tons of gossip columns about them which Mai had always teased her about, all the staff and students thought they had office sex (she had overheard Youko and the other Columns) and the fact that Natsuki blushed all the time just provoked people.

But Shizuru already had a girlfriend – Anh Lu, but people thought she was two-timing Natsuki which made no sense... and then the few girls brave enough to try for the Gakuenchou's heart thought she was devoted to Shizuru because she always had to meet with her when in reality Natsuki was a workaholic whose co-worker happened to be Shizuru Viola.

It. Made. No. Sense. To her.

Shizuru was her really gorgeous friend, so of course she would feel attracted to her.

But that was it, right?

Natsuki's train of thought was disrupted by her friend's sweet voice.

"Ara, Natsuki," Shizuru raised an eyebrow at the flush on her friend's face, "Is Princess Duboi going to be your date for the ball?"

"D-D-date!" Natsuki choked, thankfully not on the hot tea, and shot her eyes to Shizuru. "What?"

Shizuru giggled and remembered the edgy sound of Hiromi's voice on the phone after Natsuki had said "Shizuru" out loud and requested tea. Could the Principal be any more oblivious to people who liked her and were jealous of the rumoured relationship between Shizuru and the Principal?

"I'm just teasing," Shizuru said simply.

Natsuki frowned then, "you always tease, I don't know why I put up with it. I'm guessing Lu is your date then?"

Shizuru paused in her next sip... was that Natsuki being terse because of the tease or was that Natsuki being, dare she say... _jealous._

()()()

If there was something Natsuki decided she loathed about her job apart from the stress and work, she would list down social functions as her number one enemy.

Not only was she sitting at a table and glaring at the Princess of Annam and the Third Column dancing, she also had to dance with numerous politicians and ward off her drunk father's hugs.

Damn nobles.

And soon she would have to make the closing speech of the evening.

Damn job.

"Ara ara, Natsuki, its not that bad," the soft voice of Natsuki's unidentifiable feelings took a seat at their table and placed a hand above hers.

The archmeister was now holding her hand.

Natsuki flushed, she could smell a bit of alcohol on Shizuru's breath – make that more than a bit – and started to get worried about her friend.

"Natsuki-san, let us go dance again," Hiromi was bored and wanted to dance more with her crush, and Shizuru's arrival made her feel annoyed.

Natsuki felt her chest tighten as Shizuru's thumb started doing strange caresses.

"Princess, I must take Shizuru back to the quarters, forgive me."

Natsuki stood up and Shizuru stumbled slightly with her, still holding hands. She walked over to the mic at the front and the music stopped as she simply said, "Garderobe was honoured o have catered such a fine evening for our favourite nobles," there was bubbly laughter and she gave a quick bow, "goodnight."

They were both oblivious to the implications of holding hands and leaving a ball together, because it just felt right.

Applause died down and the music started again before she led Shizuru, who was now leaning on her and mumbling, out of the ballroom.

A hand grabbed her wrist violently and Natsuki was surprised to see the ever-happy Princess and Meister of Annam glare at her.

"Where do you think you're taking my girlfriend, Kruger?"

Natsuki felt Anh's hand squeeze but made no flinch, even as Shizuru's eyes opened and she mumbled, "Anh?"

"I'm taking her to her room," Natsuki informed her lowly, not wanting to make a scene.

Anh grabbed Shizuru's arm and pulled her away from her spot on Natsuki's shoulder, "I'll take her."

Natsuki felt jealous. Yes, she felt this bubbling of foreign chemicals upset her, and before she did something she knew she would have regretted, Shizuru – the drunk almost passed out Shizuru – pulled her arm from Anh and whined like a child.

"No!" She hugged Natsuki from the neck and nuzzled her cheek, "I want to go with my Natsuki."

Natsuki was shocked. Her eyes bulged and she felt heat creep along her cheeks.

"I... Shizuru..." she tried to push Shizuru off but she had a very strong grip and Natsuki didn't want to risk hurting her. "I'll just take Shizuru to her room," Natsuki said before walking off with the Third Column attached to her and not at all feeling guilty about the way Anh looked crest-fallen at Shizuru's declaration.

It would only occur to Natsuki after she tucked Shizuru in her bed and made to go to her own that they were only friends and had always been only friends, so where had these sudden feelings come from?

"_Na-tsu-ki... my Natsuki..."_

_Who is this?_

"_Natsuki should be more careful on her motorcycle..."_

_Motorcycle?_

"_Mou, ikezu, I just don't want a fat Natsuki from all of the Mayonnaise..."_

_Mayonnaise...?_

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"_Kiyohime!"_

"_Shizuru! Stop!"_

Shizuru's eyes shot open, her breathing was heavy and her skin felt wet from sweat. She pushed her body up, noticing that she was still wearing her dress from the ball and that she was in her own room, still feeling a little sluggish from the alcohol.

Her hand made its way to rub her eye and the moistness there made her frown. She turned on her bedside lamp and noticed there was moistness all down her cheeks... salty... she was crying!

What had she been dreaming about that would make her cry?

"_Shizuru! Stop!"_

Shizuru felt a pain in her head and gasped, shutting her eyes to a close tightly as images of red flashed in her mind. She was crying again.

"_Kiyohime!"_

"_Kiyohime!"_

There was a large monster with many heads... it was calling to her...

"Kiyohime!" She spitted the echoing name out in a painful breath and all the pain stopped.

She tried to calm her breathing and wiped the escaping tears from her eyes, feeling many emotions at once that she simply didn't understand.

She was so confused! She felt guilty, angry, violent, and needed Natsuki.

She didn't care, but she simply had to see her.

Shizuru was about to get up when she stopped.

Where was she?

Suddenly her vision blurred and she fell back on her mattress unconscious.

()()()

One thing Natsuki also decided she hated about her job was the fact that Miss Maria always checked up on her.

Damn it, Natsuki would have loved to spend the whole day cruising on her D-porter S7 but when Miss Maria was checking up on her she had to ensure that all of her pending paperwork and documentation was complete.

"Fuck it!" She cursed while searching for the most important document: Shizuru's mission statement from the week before.

She slammed her hand on the desk, not even thinking twice about how she had been more violent lately and tapped her gem to communicate with the Third Column.

"Yes Natsuki?" Shizuru's voice came through the gem.

"Shizuru, do you know where I put the file you gave me on your Wind mission?"

"Natsuki gave the documents to Youko-sensei to copy."

"..."

"Natsuki?"

"Oh. Right."

There was an awkward silence before a red-in-the-face Gakuenchou disconnected her gem communication and groaned into her hands.

She really worked way too much, she couldn't get any sleep lately without having uncomfortable dreams and Shizuru was being awkward with her ever since the ball two nights ago.

_Fuck it all!_

And now on top of everything she was losing her memory.

()()()

"_I promise to be everything you want of me."_

_A mirthless chuckle reached Natsuki's ears. _

"_How can Natsuki be everything I want when she does not love me?"_

"_I want to!" Natsuki snapped, feeling her eyes burn. _

"_Natsuki is too kind, to give herself for my sinful desires."_

_Silence, Natsuki felt the burning of her eyes release salty tears down her face. _

_She was angry. She didn't want Shizuru to be so sad, to be so depressed, and to be without what she wanted. _

_She would love Shizuru, she would make sure of it. _

"_I want you and no one else!" Natsuki hissed out, grabbing Shizuru's wrist and jerking her around. _

_Shizuru gasped at the pain in her wrist and sudden movement and the pure devotion and honesty of Natsuki's words as her other hand fiercely wiped away the rare tears. _

_Shizuru wrenched her hand away and then pushed Natsuki in sudden anger, "Natsuki can not understand what she is foolishly promising."_

_Natsuki charged forward and tackled Shizuru to the ground where they fought in a struggle until Shizuru felt lips pressed harshly to her own which stunned her enough to stop struggling. _

_Natsuki realised then that she had a physical advantage over Shizuru involving sexual things and so to prevent another argument she moved to kiss those lips again, not even thinking twice when Shizuru's hands started to remove her clothes. _

Anh Lu was ignoring her girlfriend's calls.

How Shizuru had the _nerve_ to act as though nothing happened on the night of the ball ticked her off, and the fact that Shizuru had gotten mad at her on the last message only ticked her off even more.

Shizuru apparently did not remember herself clinging onto the Gakuenchou and claiming her, completely dissing Anh. And to add insult to injury she had said, _"Anh, if I flirted with another girl I don't see why that upsets you."_

But this was not just any girl! Not another girl, not a fan girl, not simply a girl! This was Natsuki Kruger, the Gakuenchou, the person half of Earl believed through gossip columns was Shizuru's girlfriend already!

Excuse her for being mad.

()()()

"Tell me what the fuck is going on between you two!"

"E-excuse me?" Natsuki stuttered in surprise at the sudden finger pointed at her.

"Anh, we are in the middle of a Column meeting-" Shizuru started, surprised at the Princess of Annam's angry burst into Kruger's office.

"Shut up!" Anh shocked them all with her anger for she was usually a very amiable person; the other Columns and even Miss Maria were speechless.

"How long have you two been at it behind my back, huh?"

"At what?" Natsuki was truly confused, whereas the other silent members flushed brightly.

They all had their suspicions that Kruger and Viola had office sex. And they were all in the likely office.

"Can we have some privacy?" Shizuru turned to the other three Columns (Maya, Nao, and Sara) and Miss Maria who all nodded and practically ran out of the office.

"I thought Anh and Shizuru broke up way back?"

"Wasn't Shizuru cheating on Natsuki with Anh, not the other way round?"

Their quiet wonders were not heard by the fuming Princess of Annam or the other two Columns.

"Fuck you Kruger!" Anh hissed after the door had shut, "are you such low scum that you had to get at Shizuru behind my back? You're pathetic. I wouldn't be surprised if you manipulated her into having sex with you-"

"Enough!" Shizuru rose form her seat, gaze hard and firm though at the same time absolutely shocked that Anh would accuse such things.

"I do not know where you got these ideas from, but Natsuki and I are not having an affair."

Anh paused in her tracks, seeing Shizuru's look of horror. Then she snarled.

"Oh yeah? I can't believe I was so blind! I only had to buy one of those trashy magazines and flip to a page spread about you two for the evidence! Not to mention how you acted at the royal ball!"

Shizuru uncharacteristically snapped back, "I do not remember-" until she stopped mid-sentence.

Both of them suddenly felt a chill in the room and turned to see Natsuki with her hands on her desk, her green eyes blazing with fierce anger as her hair started to blow with a wind.

The windows were closed and the fans were not on.

Her hands gripped tighter, her jaw just as clenched as her hands when snow started to fall from nowhere and fly with the wind.

"Natsuki?" Shizuru squeaked out with the air near her breath fogging at the exhale.

Anh's eyes widened even more and her mouth went slack as Kruger's desk started to freeze up with ice from her hands.

Those green eyes stayed glaring at Anh.

"Natsuki!" Shizuru reactively said her name to try and snap her out of her trance.

Suddenly her eyes cleared and Natsuki stared in confusion at the sight of both Anh and Shizuru looking at her as if she had seven heads.

"Wha-" her words died in her throat as she felt cold and noticed her frozen desk.

Looking back up, the two pairs of eyes in shock had changed to seven.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews! Hope you like this chapter**

**Chapter 3**

Natsuki was scared.

"Fuck!" She exclaimed jumping back form her icicle of a desk, staring at some important papers that were frozen solid from her hands.

Frozen... _solid._

How had she done that? And now Shizuru and Anh stared at her like she was a monster, and to top it off the other three columns and Miss Maria also happened to come back in time from the raise of voices and witness her little display of something that should be fucking _impossible_!

Yes, she was the Ice Silver Crystal, but _no_ she and no other Otome should ever be able to do such a thing.

"Natsuki..." Shizuru's voice made Natsuki flinch in shock again. She forced her face to change from fear and surprise to a glare, not willing to show such weakness in front of the people watching her.

She was the Gakuenchou! She had to be calm and... _fuck_ it! She was just confused.

She looked at her hands, then at Shizuru.

"Natsuki... what-" Shizuru seemed just as confused as her, but something in her seemed to acknowledge this unlike the others who stood absolutely stunned and frightened.

Natsuki was so confused. She felt something in her mind call out to her, she felt Shizuru's calming presence, she felt a longing for Shizuru, she felt like she needed revenge on the First District – whoever the fuck that was – and she felt like crying for the death of her mother but her mother was alive!

"Shizuru," she spoke gently, her eyes darting back to her hands.

Something flickered there... the image of two pistols, so quickly only she could notice. She had fired with those pistols before... murdered...

There was silence and she took another breath, "Lu, Gallagher, Blythe, Miss Maria... Yuuki... leave me alone for a while please."

She looked up at everyone – even the stern Miss Maria's wonder/shock and scared faces.

Except for Shizuru. She looked like she knew something.

"Now!" Natsuki turned around to look away from the ice and stare out at Windbloom city from her large office window.

The window was frosted over as well.

"Did she call me... _Yuuki_?" Nao pointed to herself in question.

The others nodded, also confused but more so at the cold temperature of the office and the way Natsuki managed to freeze her desk.

They turned and slowly left silently.

"Shizuru," Natsuki's voice spoke again, "stay with me..."

Shizuru nodded even though Natsuki could not see it and then glared at all of the others as if daring them to stay a second longer.

Once they all left, even a numb Anh who was perhaps the most confused and shocked, Shizuru walked up to Natsuki and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Natsuki?" She asked feeling like she understood everything without knowing what there was to understand.

Then Natsuki dropped to her knees and stared at her hands.

"Natsuki!" Shizuru dropped to her side and grabbed her shoulders to get her attention.

Natsuki looked at her; those beautiful green eyes were wet with tears waiting to fall and seeing Shizuru's concern sent her over the edge.

Somehow her head ended upon Shizuru's lap, and Shizuru fingers petted her hair softly and patiently.

"Natsuki, its okay," Shizuru's voice soothed her.

They sat like that for what felt like hours until Natsuki said something that made Shizuru gasp.

"I love you."

"N-Natsuki, what are you-"

"Don't you remember us Shizuru?" Natsuki sat up, a frown upon her face, tears all gone but eyes puffy and hands gripping Shizuru's shoulders.

"Natsuki, I don't know what happened to you-"

"Yes you do!" Natsuki urged her with a familiar intensity in her eyes.

Shizuru felt excitement, but her rational mind told her that with Natsuki's hot breath invading her personal space she was very close to doing what Anh accused of them.

"Don't you remember, Shizuru?"

Shizuru couldn't even think when lips claimed her own, or when they moved down her neck and hands fumbled with her dress.

She reciprocated the attention, not finding it possible to resist.

She didn't understand, she was so confused!

Half of her mind was screaming in bliss that Natsuki loved her and that she had finally gotten her only desire while the other half of her mind feebly retorted by reminding her that this was infidelity.

Since when had she ever desired Natsuki like this?

And Anh... she owed Anh's family for so much, she could not hurt Anh like this even if they had cheated on each other in the past this was different because it was _Natsuki_.

The bliss won over and the Gakuenchou of Garderobe took her to the leather couch of her office and lay above her with a content sigh kissing her face, nuzzling her nose.

"I love you, Fujino Shizuru."

And then she fainted on Shizuru's breasts before things went any further.

()()()

Shizuru was avoiding her.

That was to be expected of course, because this Shizuru did not remember their past.

She did not remember the Carnival, their death, or the Kuga Natsuki she loved with her whole being.

Natsuki flexed her hand, one of her pistols appearing. She let out a sigh, eyes flicking to a picture on her desk of her family.

Her father, her sister, and... her mother.

Her father was a different man from the past life and much more of a father than her previous one had ever been which confused her. Her sister, Alyssa, was now her full sister – not an experiment made from her HiME DNA.

And her mother?

Her mother was alive! Natsuki felt this whole new appreciation for her mother in this life, all memories of this life and the one before twisting around in her mind.

Her mother was alive, but Shizuru was still her most important person.

She could feel it. Natsuki had her connection with Duran back, and she could feel the power waiting to jump out and fight in the name of her renowned love.

If only Shizuru would _remember_.

Until then, Natsuki would play the game and pretend she had no clue what was going on with her.

She looked around her office; her old self (Kuga Natsuki) still could not believe she had managed in this life to be Natsuki Kruger: the great headmistress of Garderobe. Her lifetime had been happy so far compared to her last one – it was a paradise.

If only... Shizuru...

Natsuki narrowed her eyes. If Shizuru would not remember, that was fine. She would simply have to woo her. After all, no one knew Fujino Shizuru like she did! And Shizuru Viola was the same in most aspects.

()()()

"Come in," Saeko Kruger, president of Aries looked up over her reading glasses at the large oak door to her office.

Of all the people she expected to see walk through that room she had not predicted her older daughter Natsuki.

"Good afternoon, mother," Natsuki seemed kind of shy and closed the door behind her.

"Well, well," Saeko chuckled sarcastically, "if it isn't Natsuki Kruger – the powerful and busy Gakuenchou who never has time to spare. Probably with Viola-san, if she does of course."

Saeko's tease usually got Natsuki angry and flushed in denial but this time her daughter had a serious face and with her hands in her pockets.

She looked like Saeko's little girl all over again.

"Mother," she said softly, wondering why she had taken her mother's love for granted in this life. She felt her eyes water.

"Natsuki? What's wrong?" Saeko stood from her desk; she had never seen her daughter so emotional except when Alyssa had been hospitalized a few years ago.

Natsuki walked forward and put her arms round her mother's waist. She bent down for her mother was shorter, and pressed her nose into her mother's cleavage like she used to when she was a child.

Saeko was stunned because Natsuki and she had not embraced since she left to Garderobe like this, usually just a quick peck to the cheek like a formality.

"Natsuki-chan," Saeko returned the embrace and cooed her daughter, "it's alright darling, it's alright."

Natsuki shook her head and tightened her arms.

Shizuru was still her most important person and she felt like she owed her mother an apology, but she also had nothing to be sorry for because she loved Shizuru.

How she had yearned for this kind of affection often in her past life, wishing her mother had never died! A flash of the car swerving off the cliff with her mother's scream made her take a deep breath and hold the admirable woman closer.

"Mama," she had not called her mother that since she was young, and it made Saeko smile.

"Tell me what's wrong?"

"You won't believe me..." she mumbled into her mother's breasts before coming up and standing straight. She moved away from her mother and held her hand out.

"The past is coming back to me."

"The past? What on Earl are you talking about Natsuki?"

"Nothing," Natsuki sighed – remembering not to get too caught up in her emotions to sound like a psycho in front of her mother. "I just missed you so much."

Saeko smiled tenderly, knowing something was wrong with her daughter but not wanting to pry.

"Does Natsu-chan want another huggy-poo?" Saeko poked Natsuki's cheek.

Natsuki flushed brightly, and instead of her usually shriek and attempt to run off she shyly nodded.

Saeko was more than surprised when she was embraced.

Something was definitely wrong yet holding Natsuki again was really nice and she didn't want to pry and ruin the moment.

()()()

"You've sent for me Gakuenchou," Shizuru walked into the room and Natsuki frowned.

She was going to pretend she had never hit on Shizuru and see where it carried her.

And then Shizuru would not suspect her true intentions.

"Shizuru? What's with you lately, you've been really weird." She grabbed a document from her desk and walked up to a shocked Shizuru, pushing it into her hands. "I had this mission set up but I can always ask someone else if you need to rest?"

Shizuru hated not doing things and Natsuki knew she would say, "Of course I'm fine."

Which she did.

Excellent.

"Okay... then meet me in the front in an hour, after reading the paper, alright? This mission is just you and me. Should only take the weekend, I'll have the car ready."

Natsuki walked off smiling when she left the doors because Shizuru was going to be hers sooner than later.

()()()

"Anh, you're being ridiculous."

"You expect me to be okay with you going on a mission alone with Kruger after what happened?"

"Look," Shizuru frowned and stared across at a patiently waiting Natsuki who leaned against the Garderobe limousine for her. "Something is happening to Natsuki right now and I have to be there for her."

"Fine! If she's so much more important to you, you can just be with her!"

"Anh this is a mission, it's my job-"

"No Shizuru, we're over! Go run to your little bitch, see if I care! When you come back to me with a broken heart I'll be the one laughing."

Shizuru grabbed her wrist, "Anh."

She felt her eyes water. She loved Anh. Anh had been the first person she truly befriended, the first person she truly cared for.

And Anh was throwing it all away over a pitiful jealousy?

Anh felt her own eyes water as she looked at Shizuru's hurt face but she thought Shizuru deserved to be hurt even more for putting her through it.

"Look Shizuru," Anh said taking her wrist out from Shizuru's grip, "we'll talk when you get back, okay?"

Shizuru watched as her ex-girlfriend maybe hopefully still girlfriend walked off and she collected herself before turning around to join the Gakuenchou.

Fucking relationships.

"Everything okay?" Natsuki opened the door for the limo and waited for Shizuru to get in.

"Anh still believes you and I are... together."

Shizuru had never been on the receiving end from such chivalry from the stoic and clueless Gakuenchou.

Natsuki closed the door and turned to look out the window her lip had a smirk as the car started driving away from the school and away from Anh Lu.

Shizuru was alone with her now.

"I'm sorry," she said turning to se Shizuru who stared quietly at her lap.

Shizuru felt her breathing stop at Natsuki's words.

She lifted her eyes to see Natsuki smirk at her – those green eyes dark with _something_.

Before Shizuru could realise it, Natsuki was pushing her back into her seat and kissing her lips.

And Shizuru couldn't stop herself from returning the affection.

There was no mission, and Natsuki was not sorry.


End file.
